I was in Whakatane for my mother-in-law, Rose’s, 80th birthday last weekend. Rose is one of 20 children, so if you are reading this and are part of the Stanfield clan, chances are, you are related to my husband!
I first met Rose 28 years ago. The moment she met me, she enveloped me in a huge hug. When I think back, she was the same age as I am today. Yet, when I look at Rose, she seems unchanged, a constant support in our lives and the lives of our children and still as energetic as ever. Last weekend, she was in her element, loving being surrounded by her family and friends.
So, what makes a vibrant 80-year-old?
- Diet, yes (Rose is a regular Zestt Breathe+ taker).
- Exercise, yes (Rose is an avid gardener).
- Purpose, yes; (Rose’s purpose is her extended family).
- Social connection, yes; (research and Rose herself demonstrate that this might be the most critical factor of all).
But we live in a time when building social connections is harder than ever.
You have to talk to a machine instead of a bank teller, for example. Social connection influences your whole well-being. Even your access to and knowledge about the health system are enhanced by social connectivity. Research shows that social groupings, such as walking and gardening groups, support healthy lifestyle behaviours. Forget economics, social connection is the real “trickle down” effect.
When you do find yourself socially isolated, you can make changes. Start with gentle expectations. You don’t need to label friends as “best” or even “close.” It’s enough to strive for connection and let it grow without worrying about labelling it.
And it’s common to fear rejection. Fear of rejection runs deep; it can be paralysing. Focus on connection, not perfection. Ease yourself into low-pressure situations. Practice putting yourself out there, reframing your thinking, and rebounding when it doesn't quite go as planned. Think, “wrong timing for that person,” rather than, “they don't like me.” Find common ground by joining clubs or volunteering to meet like-minded people.
Ultimately, it isn’t perfect diets or exercise routines that define us, but the people who walk beside us. I am lucky to have Rose in my life, as well as her extended family. I never quite know who I’ll meet and discover I’m related to by marriage!